Here in My Heart
by Emmithar
Summary: She had Grissom, but wanted Greg, and at the same time could never have him. Post WTG
1. Chapter 1

**Here in My Heart**

**By: **Emmithar

**Rating: **T

**Summary: **She had Grissom, but wanted Greg, and at the same time, could never have him. Post WTG

**A/N: **Another short story, two chapters at the moment. Will post the next part soon hopefully. Not as nice as my first one, angst, angst, angst. You've been warned.

* * *

**Chapter One: Truths**

"So you were with him last night?"

Sara swallowed, nodding as she did so.

"And you've been together for some time now?"

The words were choked, he was close to crying, something she had never seen him do. "I'm sorry," she told him quietly. It was the only thing she could think of to say.

"So am I."

"Greg," in one swift moment she stood up, calling after him. Part of her didn't expect him to stop, so she was grateful when he did. "I really am sorry…"

He bit his lip, then shook his head as he held his hands out. "I don't know you want me to say."

Staring at the ground she nodded in meek reply, for she didn't know what she wanted to hear either. She had never exactly told Greg that she loved him, but she had never given him any reason to doubt. She had led him on, all the flirts, the romantic nights out, and the first time…the one time she had really felt alive.

That was a week ago…and it was then Sara knew she had a choice to make. Did she stay true to the man she had loved for so many years? The same man that had first ignored her, pretending that she didn't even exist?

Sara had done everything Grissom had asked of her, and more. And after years of hard work it had finally paid off, for six months ago Grissom had come to her. He had come to her, and asked her out.

Just a dinner, but one dinner led to two, until eventually it led to a night together. And then more some. She couldn't deny it. She was satisfied. Satisfied, but not happy. Greg brought that other element into her life.

For the last four months it had been casual nights out. Sometimes alone, sometimes with Nick or Catherine tagging along. Grissom never joined, he wasn't into in the group drinks, the shared breakfasts, or the long strolls along the strip late at night. It was in front of the Bellagio that Sara found herself leaning into Greg as the spray from the fountains hit them gently, and their lips locked tentatively.

One simple kiss had left her feeling more alive than all the things Grissom had done. When the three words had left Greg's lips, the simple 'I love you', he had said it with meaning. It wasn't the same forced gesture from Grissom, the tone of which he used because he knew he had to. It had been sweet, intoxicating sound, one that had enlightened her, but also stunned her. She couldn't answer back, not straight away.

It wasn't until later that night, as she lay next to him, watching his bare chest rise and fall easily that she returned it. A quiet 'I love you too', one he couldn't hear, but maybe that was the point. The next morning hit her hard, as the reality sunk in.

She couldn't do this. She already had someone, she was involved with the one man she had always loved…or so she thought. Now here was Greg, still sprawled out in her bed, covered only by a thin sheet as she hastily pulled on a shirt nearby. Greg's shirt, of course. One would figure at the rate they had undressed.

For an hour she spent pacing back and forth in the comfort of her own bathroom, still dressed in the black stripped shirt, the same kind of shirt that would only look good on Greg. What was she going to do, what was she going to say? She had led Greg on, she had never told him to stop, never turned him away. But she just couldn't do the same to Grissom.

They went their separate ways; Sara hadn't said anything then, she went on, pretending as though nothing had happened. Greg hadn't said anything either, which for the time being made it easy. But after everything with Brass, after the long trial, the waiting, he had asked her to come. Had asked her to stay. She didn't want to tell him no then, but Grissom was expecting her. So she had told him that she would try.

That now led to today, to this moment. She had seen the hurt expression on his face as she came into the room. The question had been quiet, and Sara knew it was coming. Greg wasn't an idiot; he had eyes just like the rest. She and Grissom had left together, had driven the same car. All Greg wanted to know was that if it was true.

She hadn't lied to him. She couldn't, even if she had wanted to. The bitter, cold hard truth sunk in. She had used him; she had used him just like Hank had used her. After she had sworn bitterly that she would never do something like that to anyone. And it was for that sole reason she didn't deserve him.

She watched him walk away, his head hanging low, hands in his pocket. Silently she hoped he would be okay, but inside she knew that it had hurt, that she had hurt him. And perhaps beyond repair.

**TBC**


	2. Moving On

**Some changes with this story, I'm not sure where it's going as of yet, but I do have some things planned out. Reviews make me happy :D**

**Thanks to Kegel for the Beta**

* * *

**Chapter Two: Moving On**

"You never answered my question."

Greg barely looked up, his eyes shifting ever so slightly as the older man entered the room. Twelve hours at a crime scene with Grissom was entirely too long. "Why ask me?"

"Because you know Sara."

Greg frowned at that comment, moving forward on his knees as he brought the flashlight under the table. He still couldn't believe that Grissom was asking him for dating advice. Him…someone who had never been in a serious relationship, and worst of all a close friend of Sara. Or at least previous close friend. Greg wasn't sure on what their standings were anymore. Sara had barely said more than a couple of words to him since telling him of her affair with Grissom. Then again it wasn't like he had really given her the chance.

"Black or purple?"

"Purple," he responded quietly, knowing that Sara despised the color. It had stemmed from her childhood somewhere, she hadn't been very willing to talk about it, but had mentioned it a few times while at work. If Grissom had paid one ounce of attention he would know that as well, yet somehow Greg wasn't surprised that his boss had to ask.

"It's actually more of a lavender," Grissom muttered quietly, circling around the room to stare at the pictures on the wall. "Maybe I should go with the orange one instead…"

Greg frowned, taking the time to look at the other man this time. "You have an orange tuxedo…"

"It used to be white," the man voiced, "Then I took it out for dry cleaning…I got it back in a creamy orange dye. It's very nice actually…calming…"

"On second thoughts, why don't you go with the black…" Greg muttered, shaking his head to clear out the imagery. Exactly why did Grissom have to have this conversation with him? He was tired, well past starving, and slightly irritated. The last thing he wanted to do was discuss his supervisor's relationship with a woman he not only cared about, but was desperately trying to forget as well.

He wouldn't deny that he didn't love her. It would be pointless to do so. He was just ashamed that he still wanted her…wanted to be with her, to feel the things they once had. She had hurt him. She had lied, cheated, led him on, pretended as though she was interested. Only to turn away the moment he truly believed there was something happening between them.

All he was trying to do now was exist. To get from one day to the next without stumbling. He had already tried to convince himself he didn't need her. He was fine before Sara, he would be fine after her as well. At least one would think so. The problem was that Sara had opened up another world for him. She had given him a reason to live, a reason to appreciate life. Now that he understood it was one big lie, what did that leave him with?

"I'm thinking of taking her to that new place that just opened up, down past Freemont Street…what do you think?"

Greg closed his eyes, biting down on his lower lip to keep from cursing out loud. Was it possible for anyone to be that negligent? "Sara's a vegetarian," he pointed out crisply, changing his bitter tone quickly. "I have blood spatter."

"Photograph it and take a swab. Finish processing the room and clear the garage. Then get everything back to the lab. Ecklie wants the reports by the start of next shift."

With a perplexing look Greg turned on his heels sharply. "Where are you going?"

Grissom had eyed him curiously, as if the younger man should already know. "Out with Sara…we already have plans for tonight."

"Grissom, I've already pulled a double. And I was in court before that. I haven't been home since Tuesday, and I've had maybe forty-five minutes since then for myself. I haven't showered, I haven't eaten, I haven't slept. And now you want me to finish the collection and paperwork on my own before I start my next shift? That's three hours away Grissom, and Nick's expecting me out at Lake Mead to work on the drowning case. And I have to leave early from that to go to court again."

"You're the one who wanted the job Greg," Grissom reminded him sternly. "If you can't handle the hours maybe you need to think about moving back into the lab."

"You know I've logged more overtime this week than anyone else," Greg stated crisply. "Plus the work I've done off the clock."

"All of which was voluntary," Grissom remarked. "This isn't, I'm not asking, I'm telling. But if you honestly want some time off, just keep it up. You'll have more than you bargained for."

Greg could only shake his head as he watched the other man leave, biting his lip in frustration. True, he had logged most of the hours on his own, but everyone including Grissom knew he had done it all back to back. One favor there, one favor here. It added up, and quickly. He took a few more standard photos before swabbing some of the blood for later analysis. It just wasn't fair…

Grissom would never let him leave early for date…it didn't matter if it was arraigned previous to that day or not. Hell, Grissom probably wouldn't even let him leave early for a family emergency. What exactly did Sara see in him anyways?

For years the man had led her on a wild goose chase. Pretending to be there for her one moment, then leaving her in the cold the very next. He was unreadable, for the most part that was. But above all, he was oblivious to what was happening around him. If the man would open his eyes for but a moment and see what he truly had…

But then again what was Sara really? Did he see her for who she truly was, or how he wanted to see her? Greg wondered briefly if he was taking this too far, if perhaps he was making too big of a deal out of it. Sara had no obligations to anyone, so therefore he had no real rights to be angry. Right?

He let out a bitter sigh, camera still clutched in one had as he thought it over. He wanted Sara, that much was clear. But even if she did leave Grissom, could he ever forgive her? Could he honestly accept her back into his life as though nothing ever happened? Greg closed his eyes as he answered silently. Yes he could…but he wouldn't be able to trust her.

He cracked open an eye as his phone went off, the ringer set to vibrate. It buzzed alongside his belt, and he picked it up on the third ring, grumbling as he answered.

"I can't Catherine," he answered quietly even before the question was asked. It was the only reason the woman would be calling. "I know Sara and Grissom are off duty, but I have my hands tied. Then I'm meeting Nick and I have court later on in the afternoon."

He closed his eyes, resisting the urge to curse. His parents had always been adamant about using foul language, but Greg was about at his wits end. "After court? I have no idea, I'm probably going to crawl in a hole somewhere and die."

"You'd be grumpy too," Greg reminded her crisply as she answered, forgetting that she was still his superior. "I'll see what I can do but I can't promise anything."

He ended the call with that, not giving her a chance to say something else. Taking a moment he changed the ring from vibrate to silent, before clasping it back on his belt. He would get in trouble for not answering his cell phone, but at the moment in time Greg could hardly care. He was used to long hours now, but this was slightly unreasonable.

It had been tough before, but even then Greg had managed to catch some sleep in between well deserved breaks, and a good meal when the entire shift met at a small diner, or even at the lab with take out. But within the last twenty four hours he had but maybe a full hour to himself, all of which was spent trying to rest and sadly not succeeding.

With a silent scowl he collected the rest of the bags, closing his kit and headed out the door. He was sure he had everything, deciding not to do a double check as he normally did. If there was something he had missed, the blame wouldn't rest entirely with him, as horrid as that did sound. All Greg had on his mind at the current moment was getting back to the lab, finishing the work, and if he was lucky, having some time to himself before heading to Lake Mead.

* * *

It hadn't really been her fault. After all, the locker room was for everyone, and that meant everyone had the right to use it. But she never meant to walk in on him, not when he was half-naked anyway. The towel draped around his hips, hanging low enough just to give the implication, one side already unfurling. His hair was flat against his head, an unnatural appearance at least to her, still wet even with small droplets of water trailing down his bare skin until they hit the white cotton towel.

He glanced up as she came in, and Sara could feel the blush spreading across her face as she turned away, muttering bleak apologies. It was silly if you really thought about it. She had already seen all that Greg had to offer, and here she was acting as though she was a freshman high school girl who had accidentally walked into the wrong bathroom.

"It's okay," Greg shook off her weak mutterings as he turned back to his open locker. Sara watched slightly-amused as he pulled out a change of clothes out, setting them on the bench. She wondered if he would dare to even attempt to change here, or save what little modesty he had left and head back into the separated rooms that held the showers.

Paling quickly she turned away as he unwrapped the towel then and there, blushing as she heard him chuckle. She really had no idea why it was bothering her so much, despite the fact that anyone could walk in on them at any moment, namely Grissom. That alone would be uncomfortable.

"Sara, I told you it was okay," Greg commented, causing her to turn around, forgetting momentarily the current condition of the other occupant in the room. She would have berated herself for it later, but was relieved and yet somehow disappointed to find he already had a pair of boxers on.

"You're a horrible man," Sara commented dryly, turning away, her cheeks still fully flushed. "Leading me on to believe something like that."

"You're the one who thought it," Greg took the time to point out, buttoning his pants. "So not only does that make you a horrible person, it also makes you kinky."

Sara wrinkled her nose in foul distaste as she turned back to him. "I am not kinky; besides, at least I don't look like the walking dead. When was the last time you slept?"

"Hard to say," Greg responded, pulling the shirt over his head. He used the towel to dry his hair, matting it into a ball afterwards and shoving it into his locker. Sara scoffed lightly in disgust, already imagining the amount of mildew that towel had to have being treated like that. She gave it a week before Haz-Mat was called.

"You need to go home."

"Court," he explained gruffly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm hoping it'll be slam dunk from here. I've pretty much have had it with this place for one day."

"You're going to court in that?" She questioned, smiling with slight sympathy at his latest comment. She knew he had been working hard, and perhaps too much as well. Yet court wasn't something you could just avoid either. He would have to work through it on his own.

"I think it's okay," Greg commented, surveying his jeans and faded t-shirt displaying his favorite old time rock band. "Is there something wrong with it?"

Sara wet her lips, gearing up to answer when he laughed, shaking his head softly. "Give me some credit Sara. Suit's at the dry cleaners. I'm on my way out now to pick them up. I had to shower before going because Nick's drowning vic was a week old decomp."

"I heard about that," Sara stated quietly, "Reason why I passed it up."

"You heard about it?" Greg wondered, scoffing. "You mean he knew about it beforehand? That's a bunch of bull, he never said anything to me about it being a decomp."

"Well," Sara reasoned, "Would you have gone if he had?"

"Of course not," Greg shook his head, standing. "But that's not the point."

Sara laughed softly, the familiar smile tugging at her lips. There was just something about him, he made her laugh even when he wasn't even trying. It was a striking difference from Grissom. She cleared her throat as she turned away. She couldn't let this happen, he was not Grissom, and it was Grissom who she was with. Still she couldn't fill the empty void inside of her, and she was beginning to fear that she never would.

She turned, confident now, once she had taken the time to calm herself to continue their conversation. Sara considered herself lucky that Greg was even still talking with her. After all she had done she wouldn't have blamed him in the least if he turned her down. But this last statement hadn't exactly fueled her hopes, not when she saw the bench was now empty. When had Greg become so quick in leaving? And doing so without a single goodbye?

Sara let out a sigh, tossing her jacket into her now opened locker. She could scarcely remember why she had even come in here, or what she was even doing. Grissom had already given her the night off, going home himself after their dinner together. Pressing her hand against the door she pushed it closed, waiting for the click that would lock it place. Like her locker a door had closed somewhere between her and Greg, and what scared her more was the fact she didn't know where the key was in order to unlock it. For now she would have to be satisfied with what she had, instead of focusing on what she was missing.

The hallways were quiet, the transitioning between shifts in progress, and Sara found herself in the break room, pouring herself a cup of coffee. It was bitter, but warm, and she hardly took the time to frown as she sat down at the table, feeling more bitter inside at her own feelings than at the taste in her mouth.

Setting her cup down on the table the manila folders caught her eye and she couldn't help but look. Curiosity, after all, was human nature. It was when the name 'Berson' popped up that she realized it was Grissom's case from earlier. Sara couldn't help but wonder why it was there, instead of with the rest of evidence, waiting for her supervisor's return. She laughed softly when she realized her own stupid mistake.

It was also Greg's case. Although Grissom took the lead due to seniority, Greg was doing a majority of the work. All the forms had been started, but Sara could see most of the papers had yet to be even halfway finished. It was as though he had forgotten to do so, but silently she reminded herself Greg probably hadn't had the time. It worried her to think of when he would. Grissom would come back and more in likely start with the evidence, avoiding the paperwork as though it were the plague.

With a slight grimace she reached over and grasped the pen that had been left behind, turning to the first page. It was going to be a long night.

**TBC**


End file.
